A Chase Bank Dilemma
In order to save writing checks, the Monkey went online to request whatever was required to set-up a monthly automatic bank draft. J.P. Morgan Chase Bank responded that the appropriate forms and instructions would be sent within a week.
When they arrived, the accompanying instructions included the following:
“Enclosed are two copies of our ACH (i.e. automatic bank draft) agreement. After reviewing the agreement, please complete and sign both copies and return one copy of the signed agreement to us, along with a voided check. You should retain the second copy of the agreement for your records.” After reading these instructions, the Monkey searched for the two copies of the agreement, and discovered that these two copies of the attached form were printed on opposite sides of the same sheet of paper. Actually following the Chase bank instructions was impossible, and required major modifications. The following letter was attached with the form returned to Chase Bank:
Chase Bank Instructions
Hi Chase:
I received your ACH setup application and instructions as requested. Your instructions specified that you had enclosed two copies of your ACH agreement, and indeed you had. Unfortunately, both copies of the ACH agreement were printed on alternate sides of the same sheet of paper.
Your instructions suggested that I complete and sign both applications and retain one copy for my own records. I struggled with this suggestion for a short period of time, and finally gave up on your instructions.
I trust my altered instructions are OK. I completed only one side of the two forms, signed that side, scanned a third copy of that completed side for my own records, and am returning both copies of the original form to you for your review and approval. You will notice that only one side of the two forms is completed, as I could not figure out how to detach one side of the form from the other side with the same form.
In this revised process it was necessary to have a fully functioning computer, scanner, and printer. Your mailing saved you one sheet of 8.5 by 11 paper. It cost me the same sheet of paper, but I did manage to save two signatures through this revision. Our signatures are, unfortunately, only copies, but I assure you that the original signatures on your two forms are now in your possession. I saw little need in signing both copies you submitted to me initially.
By the time you receive this, I will have posted these altered instructions on http://monkeytales.net for other Chase customers to follow when they receive two copies of your form as I did. The posting will be found under both the “Evil Chase Monkeys” and the “Uncategorized” category. Thanks for sending the great stimulus material.
Sincerely yours,
@#$^%$&&*^%TY^%$
The Monkey
True that Chase Bank’s crafty instructions saved them one sheet of paper with your single correspondence. However, when one considers their large customer base, this sly little technique might save them hundreds or thousands of dollars a year. Someone at Chase probably got a bonus for the ingenious idea. Of course, as you pointed out, such instructions do not leave the customer overjoyed.